August 13, 2012
Money is a drug. Its power and sway is more pervasive than I realized. When you have lived for years in comfort and ease, you don’t grasp how your allegiances may have been affected.
(I’m using “money” for understandable communication. What we use for exchange in the US isn’t money and hasn’t been for a long time, but that discussion is for another day.)
When that source is removed, it is interesting to see what bubbles up in your heart. Last summer, 2011, we willingly resigned long-term positions in Alaska, believing time for change of direction had come. People were very gracious and kind to us in preparation for, and during a significant part of, the early days of that transition.
We are far from destitute. But the income flow did stop a few months ago. It is still stopped.* In such a situation, your real loyalties and dependencies are tested.
When things are “normal”:
- There is a sedative effect.
- There is a numbing to need.
- There is a subtle dependency built.
- There is a (likely false) security.
When things change, the withdrawal is real. It’s disconcerting to realize how deep the little roots of misplaced trust may have penetrated the heart, with a resultant sense of well-being that has a pretty shaky foundation underneath.
“I trust God. He will supply all my needs.” Yes I do trust Him.
As I was walking home the other day, spending some time in the fresh air, there was a lively discussion in my head. I was asking God to take care of us, to provide the next source of income. I realized that even though I trust Him at least at some level, there was a noticeable need for Him to set things to a level financially so I can then be really satisfied.
I tell you, the hungers go deeper than we understand. Do I trust God now, to the point of complete rest? Or, is my trust in Him eventually giving me the amount of money I think I need to be personally satisfied? Am I happy with Him no matter how He determines this aspect of my life? Do savings accounts need to be in place in order to know that I trust God and to feel secure?
Money is a drug. It must be taken with great caution and wisdom.
* There have been provisions here and there with contract work and ministry opportunities, but not at a sustaining level.
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